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from Ethical Issues
Seven Things I Wish
Pro-Gay People Would Admit
By Bob Davies
Exodus International, an Ex-Gay Ministry
1. I wish they would admit that many people are not happy
with their homosexuality or lesbianism, and that this conflict
is internal, based on legitimate, intelligent religious and moral
convictions--not just the result of a so-called "homophobic"
society which is forcing guilt upon people who don't conform to
a heterosexual ethic.
Stop throwing out the cheap, inaccurate labels like "internalized
homophobia" to explain our motivations.
2. I wish they would acknowledge that homosexuals and
lesbians can experience significant change in their sexual feelings
and desires, even though they may never be totally heterosexual
in their sexual thoughts and feelings.
Be honest enough to admit that such change is significant and
genuine, even if it isn't complete.
3. I wish they would acknowledge that many former homosexuals
and lesbians have found a greater measure of peace and satisfaction
after leaving a gay or lesbian lifestyle than they ever experienced
while embracing homosexuality.
Not all "ex-gays" are miserable, plotting how to secretly
fulfill their homosexual lusts without being caught.
4. I wish they would acknowledge that many former homosexuals
and lesbians have genuine joy in their marriages.
Most former gays and lesbians don't get married in a futile attempt
to "escape" homosexuality; they marry as a natural consequence
of resolving that issue in their lives.
5. I wish they would acknowledge that all people have
as much right to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle as they do to
pursue homosexuality.
Former homosexuals and lesbians should not be harassed and castigated
by the gay community. But I have never heard any gay or lesbian
leaders speak out against the violence (such as bomb threats and
physical/verbal abuse) which some people perpetuate against Exodus
ministries.
6. I wish they would stop equating our decision to leave
homosexuality with "hatred" and "bigotry"
against gays and lesbians.
We don't hate gays; we simply desire to live free of homosexuality.
Don't put nasty labels upon our motives. That's being judgmental
and unfair.
7. I wish pro-gay religious leaders would admit that their
endorsement and promotion of monogamous homosexual relationships
is a facade.
Many--probably most--men and women involved in long-term partnerships
are not sexually monogamous, but gay churches don't discipline
members for committing "adultery" outside their "gay
marriage." Neither do they discipline gays or lesbians who
have sex before entering into a "holy union" with their
partner.
Bob Davies is past President of Exodus International and an
ex-gay himself. He has been married for nine years.
(Used by permission of the Exodus Standard, P.O. Box 77652,
Seattle, WA, 98177.)
Updated: 28 February 2008
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