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from Books & Reviews
Ex-Gay Answers 101 Questions
About Homosexuality
Mike Haley, manager of the Homosexuality and Gender Issues Department
at Focus on the Family, discusses same-sex attractions in his new book.
Reviewed by Frank York
101 Frequently Asked Questions About
Homosexuality by ex-gay Mike Haley, provides detailed answers to a
series of questions about the origins of homosexual attractions, commonly
misunderstood myths about gay behavior; gay theology; the emotional and physical
dangers of homosexual behaviors, and much more.
The book is broken up into sections that speak to specific audiences: Families,
friends, church leaders, men, and women. And, it provides an overview of what
the popular culture is saying about homosexuality as well as what gay activist
organizations are attempting to accomplish.
NARTH Featured Prominently In Book
Haley quotes extensively from Dr. Joseph and
Linda Nicolosi's book, A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality throughout
his book and quotes Dr. A. Dean Byrd, a NARTH Scientific Advisory Board member,
as well as Board member Dr. Jeffrey Satinover.
In his first chapter, "Answering the Basics," Haley quotes the Nicolosi's on the
issue of gender nonconformity in young boys and girls as the single most common
factor associated with the future development of a same-sex attraction.
Later, in Chapter 5, "Answers for Men," he quotes Dr. Nicolosi's analysis of
what happens when a young boy fails to identify with the masculinity of his
father and begins to identify with the feminine in his mother. Eventually, this
disidentification with the masculine becomes eroticized and homosexual behavior
is often the result.
Mike Haley spent 12 years living the gay lifestyle and experienced what, for
many homosexual males, is a typical story. He had a strained relationship with
his father and began looking for adult male affirmation from other men. The
relationship he found eventually turned into a sexual encounter at 11 years of
age.
When Haley went to his school counselor for help with his same-sex struggles,
his counselor told him he should realize he was "born gay" and should embrace
his homosexuality. He began thinking he was a homosexual and pursued the
lifestyle for more than a decade.
Haley eventually left the gay lifestyle after meeting an ex-gay named Jeff
Konrad, author of You Don't Have To Be Gay.
Haley became involved with Exodus International and entered a half-way house in
order to receive intense counseling and ministry to overcome his same-sex
attractions.
The author urges individuals with same-sex attractions to seek help--either
through Christian counseling, religious-based counseling, or secular counseling
from therapists who believe that homosexuality is a condition, not a fixed
identity.
He offers this advice to men and women with same-sex struggles: "You may feel
ashamed. You may be afraid other people will find out. These feelings are hard
to handle, but the weight of suffering alone is far more detrimental. ... Whether
you need a friend's shoulder to cry on, understanding from another parent who's
been where you are, or just someone to bounce ideas off of, ask for help."
A Positive Motivation Is Key To Success
Mike Haley knows from personal experience that a keen desire to change is a key
to success in overcoming unwanted same-sex attractions. He again quotes Dr.
Nicolosi on this issue. Nicolosi observes: "Other indicators of favorable
prognosis are lack of indulgence in self-pity, a positive sense of self, and the
ego-strength to tolerate stress and frustration .... Other factors in treatment
success are the ability to resist impulsive behaviors and to postpone
gratification, the ability to set goals, and the capacity to reflect upon,
verbalize, and learn from past experiences."
Homosexual Behavior Is Unhealthy
In Chapter 9, "Answering Culture," Haley lists the various emotional and
physical dangers of homosexual conduct. These include higher rates of cigarette,
drug, and alcohol abuse; higher rates domestic violence and mental illness; and
far greater rates of sexual promiscuity and infidelity among gay couples. He
quotes Dr. A. Dean Byrd who notes: "What is particularly disturbing is the lack
of attention paid by the media to the research evidence reported in the Archives
of General Psychiatry which concluded that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people
were at higher risk for mental illness, specifically, suicidality, major
depression, and anxiety disorder."
Wealth Of Resources Offered
Haley's book not only provides the reader with sound advice on the origins of
homosexual behavior and the prospects for change, he also debunks several gay
myths including the claim that 10% of the population is gay. He also provides a
useful list of organizations--Christian, Jewish, and secular--including NARTH as
the only Mental Health organization recommended.
Mike Haley, 101 Frequently Asked Questions About
Homosexuality, (Eugene, Oregon; Harvest House Publishers; 2004.)
Updated: 3 September 2008
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