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from Clinical/Therapeutic Issues
Rabbi Samuel Rosenberg, L.C.S.W.
Help for Jewish Homosexuals
That is Consistent with Torah Principles
JONAH Stresses Each Person's
"Potential for Wholeness"
(The following is an adaptation of an article by Susan L. Rosenbluth which
appeared in The Jewish Voice and Opinion, Englewood, N.J., vol. 13, no. 4,
December 1999)
The first Jewish outreach organization geared to assist homosexual men and women
seeking to change their sexual orientation has been established in New Jersey.
Calling itself JONAH, the group intends to deal with homosexual issues in a
manner consistent with Jewish principles as set forth in the Torah.
According to the group's director, Rabbi Samuel Rosenberg, the name is an acronym
for "Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality," and represents the
biblical prophet who warned the people of Ninevah to "return."
Desiring to be inclusive, the non-profit group will embrace any Jew regardless of
religious commitment or their physical location. Its goal is to educate Jews
about the causes of same-sex attraction and the possibility of change from
homosexuality to heterosexuality.
"We believe this is achievable if the homosexual struggler lives by Torah values,
heals his or her unresolved issues, and fulfills unmet emotional needs," says
Rabbi Rosenberg. "Many former homosexuals are now married with children and lead
more contented, spiritual lives."
JONAH is also available as a resource for parents and friends of those who
struggle with homosexuality. It aims to provide support groups, a speaker's
bureau, seminars for interested parties, and referrals to appropriate counselors.
Actions and Fantasies
Rabbi Rosenberg points out that the Torah strongly forbids the act of
homosexuality precisely because it recognizes the capacity of anyone to commit
such an act. Although the Toranic prohibition relates to actions, not thoughts,
JONAH recognizes the need to work also with individuals who struggle with
homosexual thoughts and impulses but do not act out their homosexual fantasies or
identify with the gay lifestyle.
"Jewish ethics require us to offer assistance to those who struggle with
homosexuality and to understand how to help men and women with same-sex
attractions. In today's society, it is important to offer solutions to problems;
otherwise, one becomes part of the problem," he says. "We must repeatedly remind
ourselves that, in the Torah, it is not the person, but the act that is abhorred.
Moreover, even after the act, we have the obligation to promote teshuva
('return') and not censure by the family, leaders, and community."
The spiritual leader of the Elmora Hebrew Center, Rabbi Rosenberg is a licensed
social worker and psychotherapist who was trained at the Family Institute of New
Jersey. He received his Master's degree in social work from the Wurzweiler
School of Social Work of Yeshiva University, and is currently an advanced degree
candidate at the Contemporary Center for Advanced Psychoanalytic Studies.
"Genetic Propaganda"
Rabbi Rosenberg points out that even though it is well established that
homosexuality exists in the Orthodox community (The World Congress of Gay and
Lesbian Jews has 48 organizational members and over 30 homosexual congregations;
there are underground gay and lesbian support groups in the religious community
and on the internet), most religious, social and medical institutions "have
failed these men and women." JONAH, he says, has broken through the religious
community's "response of silence, cloaked in the pretext of modesty."
"The Orthodox community bought the mythical notion of the genetic propagandist
that homosexuality is inevitable for some people. The afflicted individuals feel
shunned, isolated, confused, and ashamed, with nowhere to turn for support,
understanding, or assistance. Some of our brethren responded without compassion
or a helping hand or even a shoulder to cry on," he says.
While JONAH does insist that homosexuality is a treatable condition, Rabbi
Rosenberg stresses that the group should in no way be seen as license for
persecution.
"Let it be clearly stated, without condescension, there is no room in this or any
other society for witch hunts directed at homosexuals, or for the denial for
their fundamental freedoms, simply because their nature differs from the norm,"
he says.
But Tolerance Should Not Succumb
to Affirmation of the Condition
However, that does not mean that--in the name of tolerance--society should
"succumb to acceptance." He maintains that accepting homosexuality as normal and
healthy is to doom the afflicted individuals to a life in which "their potential
for wholeness will remain dormant beneath their emotional wounds."
"The homosexual lifestyle, with all its social and cultural nuances, is also a
matter of choice. It is a learned behavior which can be unlearned," he says.
Helping the Depressed
He is especially concerned about the "depressed, despondent, and tormented souls
who struggle with their homosexuality."
"What about those who have tried to explore an 'alternate lifestyle,' only to
experience frustration, loneliness, and isolation? To whom do they turn? To
whom do their parents turn for help, guidance, and support? To whom do they dare
expose their sense of shame, failure, and humiliation? How many suicides must we
cover up, how often must we turn a blind-eye before we hear the desperate calls
for help?" he says.
Well-intentioned, but untrained rabbis do more harm than good when they tell
homosexuals and their parents simply to accept their condition and abstain from
the behavior, he says. "They don't even know that help is available," he says.
He says, the "misinformation that homosexuality is untreatable by the
mental-health profession does incalculable harm to the homosexual struggler and
to society at large."
"Many ex-gays who have broken out of homosexuality say the biggest cause for
their depression was the enormous pressure to accept their feelings as inborn and
unchangeable. That way of thinking made them feel trapped."
Support Groups
One of JONAH's services is the establishment of support groups, both for
strugglers, and for parents and loved ones. "The aim of the support groups,"
Rabbi Rosenberg explains, "is to re-establish healthy male-male or female-female
bonding...to rediscover their authentic gender...and to better understand the
expression of their legitimate love needs for attention, affection, and approval
from gender peers which were unmet in their childhoods. In such a peer group,
individuals learn that such needs can be satisfied without eroticism."
To receive information, write to JONAH, P. O. Box 313, Jersey City, NJ 07303, or
call (201) 433-3444. There is a 24-hour voice-mail service.
All inquiries, he says, will be handled "sensitively and discreetly."
Updated: 3 September 2008
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