People Can Change, Inc. is a non-religious, non-profit organization of men who
have experienced significant recovery from unwanted homosexuality and now
support other men in their healing. The group hosts a Website
(www.peoplecanchange.com)
and several online support groups for strugglers and
also for spouses of strugglers.
In 2002, People Can Change introduced an intensive weekend training program
called "Journey Into Manhood" -- "a weekend of experiential exercises and inner
healing processes for men who are serious about resolving unwanted homosexual
desires."
The following is an interview with the founder of People Can Change, Ben Newman,
who is one of the main organizers and leaders of the weekend program.
Q. First, tell us a little more about what "Journey Into Manhood" is,
exactly.
A. We describe it as a training or retreat, but it's really a 48-hour immersion
in intensive recovery and emotional-healing work and self-examination, all in a
very supportive yet challenging group setting. We have a maximum of 32 participants, all of whom are dealing with unwanted homosexual feelings. We
have a staff of 20 men, some of whom have come out of a gay
lifestyle or homosexual struggle and some who have always been heterosexual.
We use a wide variety of large-group, small-group and individual exercises, from
journaling to visualizations (or guided imagery) to group sharing and intensive
emotional-release work. All of the exercises are designed to help the men look
at the underlying issues that may be alienating them from their authentic
heterosexual masculinity -- but more important, to experience a deep emotional
breakthrough in the process.
Q. How did it come about? Who developed and runs the program, and who are
the staff?
A. My own healing journey included more than two years in reparative therapy, a
year in group reparative therapy, several years in a Twelve Step recovery group,
and five years thus far as a participant, trainee and co-staffer in the New
Warrior organization, which trains men from all walks of life in personal
growth, emotional healing and living lives of "mission," integrity and
connection to feeling. All of these resources were immeasurably helpful, each
in different ways. My vision was to combine the best of these resources into an
intensive weekend that would help men jumpstart their healing from unwanted
homosexuality, and also would be available to men for whom weekly reparative
therapy was just not accessible in their area.
I shared this vision with David Matheson, a friend who is a psych assistant in
reparative therapy, and he was immediately enthusiastic. Together, we created
the weekend outline and exercises. We brought in Arthur Goldberg, co-founder of
JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality), who helped spread the
word. We also brought in two of my colleagues from my local New Warrior men's
group, who had no experience with the homosexual issue but had significant
experience facilitating deep emotional work with men. The five of us were the
original staff -- all volunteers.
Our inaugural "Journey" weekend was in January 2002 in
Maryland. Their response to the weekend was overwhelmingly
enthusiastic. Word spread, and subsequent weekends have had
participants come from as far away as Israel.
Q. So the program isn't run by professional therapists or counselors?
A. We make very clear that this is non-professional peer counseling. In fact,
we require them to sign a liability waiver stating that they recognize that the
event does not constitute professional therapy or professional psychological
counseling, and that the event instructors either are not professional
therapists or are not serving in that capacity in the course of weekend.
Frankly, so much of the therapeutic community has been so hostile to any kind of
sexual reorientation work that my intention is to help create a self-help
recovery program that can operate entirely independently of the professional
psychological community. Our vision is for those of us who have experienced
recovery ourselves to turn around and offer healing to others -- taking care of
our own, if you will -- through a program that could be replicated anywhere in
the world.
I look at Bill Wilson and Bob Smith, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous. The
psychological community had given up on alcoholics. They said, once a drunk,
always a drunk. Then two of those drunks helped each other get sober, and they
turned around and helped others, and the world's most successful self-help
movement was born. Even today, if an alcoholic sees a therapist, the first
thing most therapists will do is tell him to join AA.
Obviously, one weekend is no substitute for quality therapy, but it gets men
started, points them in the right direction, and introduces them to a wide
variety of resources for ongoing support and growth, even if quality reparative
therapy is not available in their area.
Q. The response sounds very positive. What have the participants said about
it?
A. Obviously, not everyone who comes is really ready for a transformative
experience. Some men come with some very deep wounds and heavy resistance to
any kind of change. But let me share a few of the reactions from past
participants, in their own words:
- I expected an insightful, educational weekend that would give me a
little more information on my struggles. What I got was a life-changing
experience.
- This was the most significant weekend of my life. It has opened the doors to
new opportunities and a new life.
- My (emotional-release) work was like an answer to prayer. It was just a gift
from God. I was able to get at the stuff inside that I had not been able to
access.
- This weekend changed my life and helped me on the journey I have been on since
I was 25. I am 53 now, but now I feel I have other men leading me, and other men
walking beside me, and other men behind me that perhaps I could guide.
- I was looking for something (myself), and I think I finally found him. The
exercises were very beneficial, and I had meaningful revelations throughout the
weekend. The things that didn't get worked out were my own fault, not those of
the staff. I found the staff and helpers and participants to be wonderful, kind,
strong and real men.
- After I attended, I felt so much stronger as a man. It really helped me in my
rebuilding efforts with my wife and marriage issues. And the news is, we will be
getting back together!
- I connected more with men. I felt joy for the first time around men. I left
the weekend with so much joy. I didn't want to leave. The joy I brought back
with me made me pursue friendships with the other men from the group outside,
which I continue to foster and grow. Five of us have already met for dinner and
are setting up monthly get-togethers. I crave male bonding more.
- It got me in touch with genuine feelings of love, anger, sadness and joy. I
felt alive and have felt more alive since then. I finally feel like a man.
Q. How frequently do you offer the program, and where?
A. Word has spread, and demand has been high, so in
2006 we will offer the training six times, including
trainings on both coasts and in Michigan and Utah.
Q. How much does it cost, and what is the money used for?
A. The cost is $550, which covers two nights' stay at
the camp or retreat center, all facilities and all
meals. The rest goes for expenses, including supplies,
administrative expenses and airfare for staff who have
to travel.
Q. How do people register?
A. Send an e-mail to ben@peoplecanchange.org, and we'll
send the registration information.
Q. Any final comments?
A. Just a thank you for NARTH's interest and support.
Updated: 8 February 2008
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